Podcast – Episode 020 – How To Overcome Fear When Investing/Trading: An Interview With Coach Tina Marie
Podcast Transcript
All right Genius Nation, welcome to another edition of the podcast. Today I have a very special guest with me today. Before I tell you why she’s on, I’m going to tell you a little bit about her. Today we have Miss Tina Marie Jones St.Cyr. Not only is she the only person I know with five words in her name, she is also my personal coach.
I wanted to let you know why I brought her on. What her qualifications are. She’s a personal coach. She’s a business coach. She’s an author. She’s been doing this for over 30 years. Worked with Microsoft, NASA, Shell, all these big names, but for me it was really started about a year ago. Right, Tina?
Tina: About 14 months.
Allen: Yeah it was about 14 months ago and my life really was in a rut, to be honest. I haven’t shared this with anybody, but it was in a rut physically. I was way over weight and just tired all the time. Mentally I wasn’t there for my kids. I wasn’t there for my wife. Business, my trading wasn’t doing that well. My business was not really growing. It was stable but it wasn’t growing. Just trying different things, I was very frustrated with it. It’s just, especially with my wife, it just became we were pretty much roommates at that time. The love was still there, but there was no communication. There was no bonding really. We had just had the third baby, the third child and we had two little boys and it was just basically we’re looking out for them. You’re eating, going to sleep, going to work, doing the whole thing over again. It just was day to day pretty much sucky rut.
I’m the kind of person who likes to figure things out for myself, so I have in my house in my library I have every single personal development, self improvement book out there. I read them and I’ll do some of the exercises and I’ll be like oh that was great and then nothing would change. At that point I’ve realized you know maybe I need somebody to actually hold me accountable. I said let me go and get a coach. I looked online, tried to find somebody in Houston and that’s when I found Tina’s website and went to the website. She had all this stuff on there that I [inaudible 00:03:49] to understand. She had this one thing that was called “Abolish the Inner Saboteur” and I was like what the heck is that. What does that mean?
I was like, okay let me call her up. I called and I talked to somebody and they said you know, we do coaching but we also have this thing coming up. It’s a weekend. It’s local. It’s in Houston and I figured that you know if I’m going to hire this person for coaching, I should probably know what she’s all about and how she interacts with people and if it’s a good fit. I figured that it would be cheaper to go to event than I actually hire her for coaching for long term. Let me do this thing. I’ll go to the thing. If I don’t like it, I can always leave. So I signed up for that event.
I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what it was all about. I mean it’s called “Abolish the Inner Saboteur”. I was like I got no saboteur in me. I just need somebody to hold me accountable. I went to this thing and the first night there’s music playing and people are dancing. What I realized first of all, was that there’s all these people out there with real problems. I mean there was a lady who was I think 70 years old and she got raped in her apartment. There was this other lady whose daughter committed suicide and I think in the note she was blaming the mother or something like that. There was a guy going through divorce. There was a guy sitting next to me I remember his wife has been in a coma for multiple years. He goes to work all day, then at night he goes to the hospital wherever she is and hangs out with her and then he does it every day.
I was like wow, compared to these people my problems are nothing. I was feeling good about myself at that point. Then we did this one exercise on that first night. I don’t wanna tell you guys what it is, but to me it was really kooky and funny and you actually have to get up and physically do something. I went over to the corner and I just went through the motions and everybody else is going full blast at it and I’m just like laughing at everybody really. It was just really funny. Then we sat and down and it was cool so I came back the second day.
I think it was on the end of the second day where Tina has this thing about the boxes. You know where you have these different boxes and my thing I realized was hey, I’m living inside this box. I got brave and I raised my hand and I said, hey how do you get out of the box if you’re living in the box? I’m in the box all the time. It was I guess … If I’d known what was gonna happen then I probably wouldn’t have asked the question. Then she comes and she’s like okay, well I need you to stand up. I was like, uh-oh. Basically, she tells me you remember the exercise we did last night, I’m like yeah. She goes I need you to do it again. I’m like, no. She’s like yeah I need you to do it now in front of everybody and just go at it 100%.
I was looking around and all these people are looking at me. I’m like oh geez I can’t do this. This is the thing I was laughing at last night. I started doing it and she was helping me. We were doing it together. I started doing it and doing it and the funny thing was the more I did it, the more I got into it. The louder I got. The people that were sitting around me, at first they were just watching. Towards the middle of it they all stood up. One by one they stood up and at the end they were kind of in a semi-circle around me and they were egging me on. They were like yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go.
Something switched. There was something in my head, something just clicked. You know? I can’t explain what happened and I don’t know what happened, but at that moment by the time I was finished I was a different person. So many things since then have changed because of that one instance. I went home and I acted differently with the kids. I was spending more time with and to play with them. My wife basically for at least two months after this event, she’s like what the heck happened to you because you are a different person. She’s like did you do some kind of voodoo or did you get drunk or high or what happened? What did you do there? You’re totally different. Our relationship since then has been awesome. My business has more than doubled since then. My trading has been better. I mean all around, A to Z, I’ve lost 10 pounds. I actually exercise now and I enjoy it. I eat better. It was just that one thing that clicked and I was like wow. I don’t even know what happened. I can’t describe it. I never would have got it out of a book. It’s just amazing and Tina I just have to say thank you –
Tina: You’re welcome.
Allen: It was amazing. That is why I wanted to bring her on because if anybody knows how to do emotional stuff and get over emotional stuff, it’s her and so, I wanted to bring her on because the question I get asked over and over again is … I understand what you’re doing, it makes sense to me. I like the way you talk. I like the way you explain things and I know I can do this option selling stuff, temperament wise, time wise, I have it. I have the money, but for some reason I can not pull the trigger. I was talking to somebody, one of our students a couple days ago where he has $500,000 just sitting there in an account. Last year 2017 the market went up 20%.
Tina: Yep.
Allen: He easily could have made a lot of money last year if he’d only just put it in the market, but he had a fear. He’s like I’ve traded before, and I’ve lost money. I’ve given money to an advisor and they’ve lost the money for me. I’ve tried to do it on my own and I made some mistakes and I lost a lot of money. I just hear this over and over and over again. So, Tina the question I asked you is, if I’m somebody like that, I’m an individual person. It’s taken me years and years to save up my nest egg, whatever it is. It could be $20,000 or $200,000 or $500 whatever, how do I overcome this fear? How do I overcome that knowing I have an idea of what I want to do, I just can’t get myself to do it because of the risk?
Tina: That’s a great question. I’m so glad to be on this show, Allen. It’s amazing. One, I’m gonna answer your question. Second, you choke me up because I heard your account of what happened at Abolish to abolish your inner saboteur. We’re doing another one coming up here in March, March 23rd in Houston. I had my own hiatus for a year. I don’t know if you noticed, but I did not do an Abolish all of 2017 and it was just a time where I call it hermitting because I was finding my new energy and new evolution. To hear what you’re saying helps me know that I’m right back on track. Thank you so much for sharing your story and yes it does transform people and how does it happen I can’t exactly 100% tell you. Each person’s a different [inaudible 00:11:14] during that, but I can tell you that I’ve seen thousands and thousands of people be freed by one simple expression of combating our fears and actually standing up to it and claiming our power again.
I wanna help your listeners and your tribe do this for themselves. I’m gonna do everything that I can to do this over the show and over the internet they’re listening to, however if they can get to an experience it’s very transformational and I want to help them understand they can do it in their own home because we’re not giving the permission to have what I call a full range of emotions and that’s where a lot of our cultural programing keeps us stuck. Let’s just start there if we can.
Allen: Right. Let me say that after this event I wasn’t the only one that was changed. I mean you touched a lot of people there. They have a lot of issues. A lot of people got … maybe not everybody broke through and had amazing life changing experience, but a lot of them did. Afterwards, there were people, you interact with on a day to day basis and you hear them talk about oh my life is like this and oh my husband is like this or why does this happen to me. I’m like man, you need to go to that thing. You need to go for that weekend. There is some people, for example, my mother-in-law she doesn’t listen to the podcast so I’ll make fun of her. I was like okay, you know what I will pay for her to go because I don’t wanna hear her stuff anymore. I don’t wanna hear complaining anymore. If she could just take advantage and say okay, your life is wonderful stop complaining about every little thing. Take a look at the bright side and take control, basically that’s what it is. Right? Take control of your life.
Tina: It’s responsibility. So back to your first question. This really segues back into that really well is that how do we overcome our fears of making a decision and sticking with it and having faith in it and certainty. The truth is whenever you look at the human dynamic of decision making we’re going to base our decision on getting our needs met. Every single one of us, if we look at what you’re choosing to wearing today, where you live, what career you have. How you’re in relationship with certain people and not in relationship with other people at this point in your life. What grocery store you shop at. What foods you eat. What TV shows you watch, all of them are being decided based on our human needs matrix.
I’m gonna quickly give you the six human needs and from that I wanna tell you the one that, what you know and maybe you remember as the five C’s and how those lay on top. So the six human needs, certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution. Now, those six human needs are dictating every single one of our decisions. For somebody who’s fearing a decision what I know for certain is that they are stuck in certainty. I want to know that whenever I’m going to invest this time, this money, this attention towards something, that I’m gonna get a payback. And so, if we’ve got an expectation that’s already creating a stuck vibration inside of our ability to make a decision because we’re basing what we’re gonna do now on something that hasn’t even happened yet and we’re wanting it to work out.
I can completely understand whenever we want to invest our money, we want to have some understanding of a measurement that we’re not gonna make poor decisions, bad decisions. We’re gonna do it whenever we think our money’s gonna be invested wisely and make more money. I know. I do it too. However, we can’t predict the future, especially in America. So what do we do?
We base things on as much information as we can possible predict right now, but not too much. If we go on too much, it’s gonna create instability and panic, anxiety inside of us. So, take the two or three markers that you trust. Two or three markers that you’re looking at and say I can see that. That’s going to work and as along as I have this level of certainty I can make this amount of decision and move forward. [inaudible 00:15:38] measure often, especially when it comes to money in the marketplace. You do this with your students and with the people that follow your program. Measure often. We’ve gotta measure. Don’t just invest and then hope. I said don’t be high on hopium. If somebody’s high on hopium they’re gonna set themselves up for failure. We’ve gotta participate. We’ve gotta show up. We’ve gotta do what we’re being taught and apply those things because if we don’t at the end of the day we’re gonna regret. We’re gonna, I know I should have done that. I was supposed to do that. Damn it I didn’t do that. So if we have regret, remorse, fear, depression anything like that, it’s just gonna compound on top of each other.
So, for your listeners right now, if you have any regret, remorse, resentment, guilt, frustration, depression about some things that happened in the past, I’ll ask you to do this. Draw a line in the sand, it’s a proverbial line in the sand right where you stand today. Just go I’m drawing a line and what I’m going to chose right now to do is to leave behind me all the crap that’s the psychic weight on top of me. The guilt, the remorse, the regret, I should’ves, the supposed to’s, all that stuff, the bad decisions. We’ve got to make a conscious choice to no longer be plagued with the psychic weight of bringing that burden into our future for one more moment.
I mean what’s it serving? I mean really what is it serving? Nothing. So we draw a line in the sand and stand up and do this. This isn’t some kind of, you know people go oh yeah, I can hear that and that sounds like that makes so much sense. I can make that decision right now, of course. I do not believe in allowing the mind to think yourself into forward progress. 80%, 80% of the decisions we make start in one place that so many people fail to recognize and you’ve learned this Allen. It’s 80% is in or physiology. What does that mean? 80% is in our body. Our body that we’ve been given here has so much intelligence in it and we fail to recognize it and even honor it. So whenever you’re doing this exercise, stand up, stand at a line, you can even get a rope and put it across, an extension cord. I don’t care what it is. You can put a sword down if you want to make some significant meaning to this process, but put something down and you consciously decide here where I stand right now, I am freeing myself of the baggage of the stuff that has plagued my mind and held me hostage.
All the sad stories, all the stuff that I was a failure. All the reasons why my ancestors screwed up or my dad screwed up or my mom screwed up or my brothers and sisters are failures and I’m part of this ancestral crap lineage. Or, I didn’t go to the right school. I started out with the wrong job. I’ve got 50 pounds overweight, who’s gonna want to hire me? I’m in a bad relationship. Oh my god, take it all and put it right there. Take it off like it’s baggage off your back. Leave it on that side of the line and step over with [inaudible 00:18:54] saying I’m claiming my life now and I am not a victim to the circumstance. I no longer will tell myself sad stories and as soon as I hear myself doing it, I’m gonna tell that part of me to shut up.
Allen: Yep.
Tina: We need to take control back from our mind. It is a computer. We program it. It does not run us.
Allen: Yeah, it’s awesome how you say that. You know you have to get up and actually physically do it because I think like reading a book for me, especially reading a book, thinking about it. Oh yeah I’ve done it. But, until I actually did the motions, until I actually did physically it didn’t make any difference.
Tina: Exactly.
Allen: I think that for our listeners, a lot of them are … The fear is there and the fear is real because they’ve had losses in the past. You know? So either they had money invested and it was either in a mutual fund or with a broker and the money was lost because they were out of control. Right? So the market just dropped and they had no control over it or they gave their money to an advisor, like a registered advisor and that person went and traded it.
Tina: And they weren’t watching it.
Allen: Yeah, I mean even if they were watching it. I heard of stories where I gave $50,000 to this guy who was gonna trade 4X for me and within two weeks he lost all my money. Oh yeah, after that I wouldn’t trust anybody with my money if that happened to me. You know, that’s hard earned money. You don’t even know what he was doing and it was all gone. So, one of the students that I was talking to this week, he’s got $500,000 and he admits it. He goes, I’m very risk adverse. I am very scared. So we worked through a particular strategy. You know, how to sell naked calls, or naked points, sorry. He understands the strategy. He’s done it for a while. I didn’t have to teach him anything about the strategy because he already knows it and he does it, but what I was shocked to hear was that he only does maybe one or two contracts. In dollar terms, he has a $500,000 account, one contract is maybe a $1,000 or $2,000. That’s all he’s risking.
Tina: Can I ask a couple hypothetical questions here?
Allen: Sure.
Tina: Let’s play devils advocate and do some role play here. Also, I want to let your listeners know I know that sting. I lost $80,000 over that in one day back when the crash of 2008. I remember I talked to my broker and I went that was not your job to make me broker. But, I’ve made that money back four or five times. I’m happy where things are. This is what I want to understand and help your listeners understand. That $500,000 for this person, so he has it in the account. Okay. What we need to know is what is that $500,000 equal in his mind? There’s some certainty about that $500,000 that’s keeping it stuck. Here’s a formula for you. Certainty equals safe. Safe equals stuck.
So, somewhere in that $500,000 he’s already mapped out multiple uses for that money in the future that if he does anything with it right now it’s gonna risk the ability to have those decisions that are way in the future actually happen. He’s created a box of purpose for this $500,000 and even though it looks like he’s invested in this account and he looks like he’s willing to take the risk and invest and make more, though it looks like he’s taking your course and he wants to apply it, the truth is the reason why he’s not moving the money or doing anything with it is there’s already a lot of purpose and meaning to that $500,000 that if he risks it there’s something out there in the future that’s gonna fall apart. This is all fear based because a future we cannot predict but we need to know. Where’s that $500,000 already spent, purposed, used in the future that he does not want to lose that meaning, significance, loving connecting, growth or contribution that he’s already programmed into it.
Allen: So he’s already spent it? Is that what you’re saying?
Tina: In his mind. In his mind. It could be it’s my retirement. Let’s just play that one. Right?
Allen: Right.
Tina: It’s my retirement. In order to free that in somebody’s mind is okay let’s just take $500,000 in let’s say 10 years, 15 years how much does that buy you in a lifestyle? Nothing. Hardly anything nowadays, honestly. Maybe two years, three years, four years, but it’s not gonna grow. That’s coming out of the account going into somebody else’s accounts and those are done. We need to paint a picture for that $500,000 to become a $1,000,000, $2,000,000, $2,500,000, $3,000,0000. We need to have that $500,000 to grow and actually see the meaning for the $2,000,000 $3,000,000 in the future being something of more significance, purpose, need, growth, contribution to the $500,000 a year. In that comparison we’ll say I must. It has to turn into a must. I must learn how to invest this. I must. Yeah, you can take baby steps and then you measure. Did it work? Did it not work? It builds trust. If it worked, great let’s do more, two times that, three times that. Let’s do it. But, measure, not hope. We’ve got to open our eyes and take responsibility for where we really wanna go and we need to apply it and then stay the course. Stay the course. Fear will always wanna knock us off the course.
Allen: Right.
Tina: Fear is just trying to stay stuck. Certain equals safe. Safe equals stuck. That stuck is all fear based.
Allen: Okay, so let’s say this fellow has the $500,000 and the best way for him to start getting some traction and start getting some movement would be to what? To really scare himself into thinking you know I need to do something to make it a must or is there another way?
Tina: Well there’s a couple other questions I’d ask him. If he was sitting at my coaching table and you were with me because you’re the guru here, not me in the money side. I trust people like you and my advisors to do this for me. I’d ask him, okay, outside of this $500,000 what else of your estate do you have invested? Where is it? What’s your plan? What’s your long term range plan. Let’s put it down to paper and put some numbers to it. How many people are you supporting? What’s that’s gonna look like. What’s inflation, tax burdens, things like that take into consideration. Where are things? If this $500,000 is too huge of a number based on where other things are, and what his needs and risk aversion is, we say take the money out. If you need $400,000 in a different vehicle that’s gonna give you more certainty, do that and start with $100,000. We need to be realistic.
What part of him, this is my question I’d ask him, what part of him decided to start with $500,000? If he’d say I’m willing to lose all of it, then let’s go for it. If he says I can’t lose but $100,000 well then let’s draw it back, let’s start with what you’re okay with losing. Not that we’re aiming to lose it, but we need to take the fear out. Does that make sense?
Allen: Yes.
Tina: We need to get the lay of the land. He needs to have a lay of the land for himself because what if, and you know I’ve been in the place where people have done this. They just go all in. Oh like I don’t know, I’m just so excited about it. It sounds so great. Oh my god I wanna go all in. They go all in and then as soon as they push all the chips in the middle, they’re like oh shit.
Allen: Yeah.
Tina: I shouldn’t have gone all in. Well your hands are off the chips now. You’re all in. Then they’re embarrassed to say that was a bad decision. Can I have half of that back? That was really bad. That was just emotional. I shouldn’t have done that. You know? We don’t wanna have … We do, we have shame in changing our decision. We’re not taught that we can re-negotiate. Re-negotiate your position. It’s your life, not ours. You’re not gonna lose respect from me if you’re smart. Do what you need. Have courage to speak up. Then start with what does feel like, you know this feels like I can do it. If it’s energized and we feel like, and you learn this Allen, if it’s energy rich heck yeah let’s go for this. This is pretty cool. Let’s have fun. I am totally in. But, what we’re seeing is evidence he’s not energy rich. He’s energy poor. He’s got fear. Their fear will always keep us stuck so we need to evaluate where’d the fear originate? What’s it tied to? What’s the meaning? And start where fear isn’t.
Allen: Okay. All right. Cool. So now, that was one person. Right? That was the thing where hey I have this money but is it the same thing for somebody who has a different fear? Like another student of mine was very close to retirement age, so he was actually probably should have been retired already. He’s already 70 years old.
Tina: Right.
Allen: This is all I have, how do I overcome that fear of you know I’m gonna be on the street if I mess this up.
Tina: Well, you know it’s similar. What can you balance to say I’m willing to learn and grow through this part. It’s all chips in depending on where they are. I’m not a financial advisor or fiduciary, but I wouldn’t do that with my money if I’m at 70 and it’s all I have. What mindset’s gonna go 100% all in at that age? Let’s be smarter than that.
Allen: Right.
Tina: There’s another thing that grips people in fear and it is what I all the five C’s. In the five C’s, there’s four of them that really don’t fit what we’re talking about right here, but I wanna let them know that fuel fear and keep us stuck. One is Complaining. Whenever we complain about anything that is not an energizing activity. It’ll keep us stuck in the mundane or that normal life that nobody wants to live, or says they don’t. So, there’s Complain. Criticizing. Criticizing is making other people wrong. Condemning is judgment across the board. Commiserating is telling the sad story again and again and again and people go will you stop telling that sad story. The more than that is we tell the sad story inside of our brain. We don’t even have to vocalize it if we’re thinking it’s a sad story.
The last one is the biggest one. The last five C is the biggest one and it’s Comparing. When we compare our circumstance of where things are now to anybody else we lose power in there. Then we fuel fear. If we compare ourselves to any past version of ourselves, which I do this one. You know I had an estate that worth more than $10,000,000 at one point in my life. I’m rebuilding right now and I’m doing really well, but if that part of me goes back to the past and goes will you used to be worth over $10,000,000 and you had two houses and a plane and all these cars and what the hell’s wrong with you. If I do that, there’s no way I’m gonna fuel my present self in decision making and forward process. It would just stay stuck in the past.
Then the other comparing is when we compare ourselves to our future self and say even if we go well whenever I get there. Whenever I arrive there then and we don’t presence ourselves and have joy and fulfillment and satisfaction and celebration in this moment or the future self is, whenever I get there I can be happy. When I finally reach that place I’ll be happy. That is so paralyzing. For any of your listeners, and students that are doing any of those five C’s, especially Comparing, if we’re comparing our money position and what other people are making and what we’re not making and where the market is and what we should be seeing and all that kind of stuff, all of that crazy mental acrobatic is going to create more fear. Keep us stuck in a place where we cannot feel certain about our decisions.
Allen: Right. I know if like for a lot of our new traders, it’s not just them comparing, it’s somebody else comparing them. This happened to me when I was learning how to trade. My wife was always like hey you’re losing all this money. You know? She’s comparing me to what I should be doing. I had to sell her.
Tina: Exactly.
Allen: I had to sell her on being able to trade. It was like, okay I’m gonna make this much and I’ll be able to do this and I’m gonna do that. Then when it didn’t work out it the beginning because I didn’t know what I was doing in the beginning so I was losing. Then she would compare me to what I told her it should have been and then that made it even worse.
Tina: Yeah and sometimes we set ourselves up for that.
Allen: Yeah.
Tina: With the people around us. She was banking her certainty on your progress and because your progress wasn’t happening, her certainty is now at risk. Yeah whenever we’re in a relationship, that’s a different story. We need to preface the, you know you’re in a project you were learning things of that nature. You need to just say you know what I’m learning along this process. It may look rough and the truth is I know that you’re gonna support me either which way. If their certainty is based on our certainty, that’s called inter-dependence or co-dependence. We need to have those courageous conversations and help the people around us elevate themselves so they create their own certainty and we are not that source.
I know this. I’ve got a 24 year old son who still lives with me and I’ve given him until the end of February, we’re coming up on it that he’s supposed to be out. I’m reminding him it’s a count down right now. I was his certainty and now the communications around the house are a little tense.
Allen: Yeah I bet.
Tina: He’s like, but mom. I’m like well, yeah but son. I know you’ll figure this out. I gave you a full year. Here you go. Out of the nest you go.
Allen: So he’s facing a lot of the same issues. He’s afraid of what’s gonna happen. He’s unsure of what’s gonna be, what the future’s gonna hold. How is he dealing with it?
Tina: Well you know if we come from energy and possibility, which I’m that person in his life. He knows it. He goes mom you’ve always got a good outlook on everything. Why is that? It’s because if we can hold anywhere from four to five possible even six different perspectives on a situation, if we can stretch our minds and stretch our emotions to fuel the possibility that that one from A to Z pathway may not be the only way. If we can say what if and fuel that part of our mind that has the ability to imagine different outcomes and create these possibilities and these opportunities than the world becomes magical. The world is full with wonder and we’re not fooling ourselves. That’s how energy works inside of the human system. Whenever we cannot see perspective whenever we’re just looking in one direction we are totally blinded and we are stuck. Open up a mind and I tell him, what’s possible for you. Just let’s think about it, what’s possible. Living in my garage is not possible, but what’s possible for you. He knows this and it does take discipline to get up and again the physiology Allen. You cannot have perspective and possibility mindset in thinking sitting on a couch, sitting in a chair. You’ve gotta stand up.
Even Richard Branson taught me this when I interviewed him. I love that man. I’m gonna get him on my new show. He says, I do not do any of my creative process sitting on my bum. I get up and walk around. He knows this. His entire team, they know. They are so in shape because they walk a lot. They know. If we’re having a meeting it is not going to be around a board table. We know we are all walking down the sidewalk, walking down the beach, walking down the hall, doing something walking. We have a pad of paper and we have a pen and we’re interacting while we’re walking. We’ll stand and we’ll talk and we’ll move and we’ll walk again. But, they know that the human mind is not created most brilliant genius way of being by sitting. Not Einstein, but Edison’s lab, Edison’s place, he had stools, but he never sat in them. He was always standing and walking around. Why is that? Our physical being needs to have circulation. These standing desks that are now new, they’ve been around like 10 years, but now they’re like all the rage.
Allen: Right.
Tina: We’re gonna genius come out of standing desks. Why? We’re standing up. It’s awesome. I do that. I stand. I’m always moving. You’ve noticed. You’ve watched me. This is what we need to do. If you truly wanna make a decision of perspective, possibility, wonder, amazement, what if out there thinking, we must move our body.
Allen: Right, but I think you hit the … I mean talking to you is like oh I’ll fire her. You’ve said like a thousand different things and I’m still like you know trying to … What did she say? What? I don’t get that. I need an example. What? The thing that you just mentioned a couple seconds, well you know before this, was about the possibilities. What are the possibilities. One of the things I’ve noticed is that a lot of these traders have a very hard time coming up with different possibilities. It’s either okay I’m gonna put the trade on, and either this happens or this happens and that’s it. Those are their two choices. I’m either gonna lose money or I’m gonna make money. That’s –
Tina: What if in the process we’re learning?
Allen: Yeah, but in the end –
Tina: [inaudible 00:37:36]
Allen: In the end that’s true right? You’re either gonna make or you’re gonna lose, but how you get there, there are a zillion different ways to get there. One of the things that we were just talking about with somebody is that you know he has money that he wants to invest, but I said you know it was very common to what we were talking about the fear aspect. You don’t have to do all of it right now. You know?
Tina: No you don’t.
Allen: You can do part of it. You can portions of it you know. You can even do what we have, it’s called paper trading, or virtual trading.
Tina: I do that, I do that just to see what if scenario so I can map my thinking and make sure that my thinking is sound and I need to do it three, four, five, six times so I can prove my method.
Allen: Exactly.
Tina: Yeah paper trading is awesome.
Allen: Yeah I mean if you’re afraid of it, it’s not the same thing as real trading mentally because you don’t have anything at risk really, but if you take it seriously you can use it to get some confidence built in and I think part of that fear goes away when you’ve done it over and over again and you have the process. You’ve done it physically like you said. When you go through the motions, when you find a trade, when you analyze it, when you put it on, and when you exit it even if it’s not real. I mean I don’t know if your brain can tell the difference, between if it’s a real trade of not, but those pathways are being formed that you’re doing it and you’re going through it over and over and over again and then finally when you do commit to some really money and you start out small it works out because you’ve done it before.
Tina: It’s awesome. Yeah, I believe that too. You mentioned early on Allen about the emotional side of this. What I know about emotions is that we can command those. It’s just nervous system energy coming through our body. If we do have fear to not try to resist it. Just go in and say what’s the fear wanting me to know. Usually there is an intelligence there that’s not, the fear isn’t going get the hell out now. Run for your life. It’s not doing that. It’s just saying there’s a part of us that may not have been as in awareness as we could have been while we’re either learning or applying what we’re learning or paying attention. We’ve gotta be honest, if I’m multi-tasking, let’s say it just for instance. If you’ve got wonderful students that are learning your systems and while they’re learning it they know they’ve been multi-tasking. They’re listening to music. They’ve got a distracting situation at home, maybe kids doing stuff or maybe they’re at Starbucks doing it instead of being more diligent in a more secluded classroom environment. If they know while they’re getting this information put into their brains that they haven’t been the best student they can be, and that they haven’t given a 100% of their selves into it, they are seeding doubt all the way through the learning process.
So, just pause and take account of have I really gotten what I should have been getting. Have I committed myself to this or have I just dabbled? Have I just had one foot in and maybe one hand in and maybe social media here and all that kind of stuff? Get honest with yourself. If you truly want this to be a vehicle for your wealth, your financial vitality then you need to commit 100%.
I was interviewing this one lady. She wanted to lose weight. I said great, so what are you committed to do? She goes well I’ve committed to walking every single day, da-da-da. Then I said, so how have you done this week? She goes well it was raining on Monday so I didn’t go. I said whoa, wait. You said you committed every single day to walk. She goes, yeah but the mall was … it’s raining, she’d been out on the street. You didn’t say that you committed to walking every day at the mall. You said you committed every day to walking. You’ve already broken your promise to yourself. I said are you married? And she said yes. I said whenever you took your vows, did you commit to everyday being faithful to your husband? Well of course, that’s what it’s about. I said well what if on Monday you just decided well I’m not gonna be faithful today, but tomorrow I’ll be faithful. Would you think he’d be okay with that? She said no. I said would you be okay with him going well you know maybe two to three days out of the week I’m gonna be committed but other than that I’m just gonna be sort of lax on my vows. She goes no. I said well we lie to ourselves more than anybody else lies to us.
This is what happens to our brain and our emotions and our mentality is if we are committing to something, if we decide we need to be 100% committed to that especially with what you’re doing with them Allen. Money is the vehicle of our happiness whether or not we wanna admit it or not. We need money in our life to have a lifestyle. We need money in our life to have certainty, to give to our families, to have contribution into the world we must have it.
Whenever you are helping them build wealth if they are 100% committed in this, you will be able to tell the students that have been paying attention. The ones that have been studying. The ones that have been doing exactly what you asking them to do because they will not have hesitance in what you tell them to do. They will do it and they will follow through and they will reap the rewards because you are a great mentor telling them step by step what they need to do and how they need to measure it. When they pay attention the fear will be gone. The ones that have fear are the ones that could honestly raise their hand if they’re in front of you going yeah I was the one that sort of half-assed this and I’m so sorry. Let me start over because I seeded my own self-doubt. It’s not your program. It was totally me. Let’s start over.
Allen: That makes sense. It’s funny, you know I’ve been doing this for a while now and people go through the same course and some people just take it, run with it, and have amazing results. Then other people have excuse after excuse after excuse of why they didn’t do it or why it wouldn’t work for them and they haven’t even tried yet.
Tina: There you go.
Allen: They’re just like oh no this is you know my broker won’t let me. My wife is gonna get mad at me. I don’t think this will work. All these kinds of things even though we’ve shown it to them over and over again. Look, here’s this person who it’s worked for them. Here’s a trade, I’ll give it to you. Here look the trade worked. Look at this, you know. It’s funny. So much of trading is mental and emotional and a lot of it is … I didn’t think so much that about it either, but now talking to you about it again, I’ve realized yeah you know people trade better when they feel better, when they feel better about themselves, when they’re in a better environment.
Tina: Completely.
Allen: It’s crazy. I know that we’ve taken up a lot of your time. You’ve dropped so much information. I know people are gonna have to go and re-listen to this one three or four times because you’ve said so many different things. We started off with, I forgot what you called it, but it was the six, what was it the six?
Tina: Six human needs.
Allen: The six human needs and then we went over the five C’s. Then we talked about the boxes. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff.
Tina: Yes.
Allen: I mean honestly, when we did that weekend, we spent hours on each one of those. Just talking about it in this one little podcast does not do it justice. So folks, I urge you to get more information about this. If you are having trouble with your trading, if you’re afraid of getting back into the market, if you’re afraid of taking the next big step, or sometimes what I had a problem with earlier on was I was doing really good trading in small amounts. You know, like $30,000 $40,000 but then when I went to make the jump to $150,000 $200,000 $300,000 everything was the same, the systems were the same, the trades were the same, but it was just that one extra zero at the end that I couldn’t. It took me awhile mentally to get over that hump where I could do it properly.
So, Tina where can people find out more information about you or get in touch with you?
Tina: Two things. Yeah my company website is tinamarie.com, pretty easy t-i-n-a-m-a-r-i-e.com and then you can find all my programs there and my corporate training and things of that nature. Then if you wanna listen to the podcasts, which is launching it is Unleash Your Extraordinary. We all wanna live extraordinary lives and be extraordinary in the world, so unleashyourextraordinary.com.
Allen: Okay, so that’s coming up right? You haven’t launched it yet.
Tina: March 4th.
Allen: March 4th. Okay, so Unleash Your Extraordinary. We’ll have the links to both of these in the show notes.
Tina: Awesome. You’re great Allen.
Allen: When is the weekend again? The Abolish Weekend?
Tina: It is March 23rd. March 23rd coming up here in Houston. They just find it at tinamarie.com.
Allen: Okay. That is what three days or two days?
Tina: This one is just gonna be one night.
Allen: Oh one night.
Tina: We’re doing a jam session. In fact if you wanna come in, you get a refresher and it’s awesome. It is only $97 for that night. We go from 7:00 til 11:00 pm and it will transform your life. I absolutely guarantee it.
Allen: Okay. Awesome. So yeah, I think I’m gonna come. I think I’m gonna bring some people.
Tina: [crosstalk 00:46:46]
Allen: You’re only doing it once right? I mean I don’t wanna be there with my mother-in-law.
Tina: No we are committed to doing this every two months so if you miss March, we’re gonna do it again in May.
Allen: Okay, all right cool. But if somebody like our audience is all over the country so if they can’t make it, definitely go to tinamarie.com. She has other stuff there that can help you out and she’s also my coach. If any of this stuff is bothering you or you need to overcome it. Give her a call. Get a coach.
I mean after that weekend, a lot of things changed for me. You know my emotions, my thoughts, but I still had some kind of fears. I still had some doubts. One of those things I’ll tell you guys is that you know the shift happened when I decided I wasn’t content on just living my life and doing my own trading. I actually wanted to go out and make a difference and to do that I have to get the word out there about the way I trade and about options and passive trading in particular. I realized that in order to do that I need to grow my company. Get the word out. That’s why we started the podcast [inaudible 00:47:55], but you know I’ve had friends tell me over the years that hey Allen you need to get an office. Stop working from home. I was like man that’s the dream. I wanna work from home. I get to play with my kids whenever I want. I just walk up stairs in my pajamas.
But, the thing is to really grow your company and get the word out there and even to be more productive, you know they were telling me you gotta get an office. I fought it and fought it and fought it and then Tina when we started working together that was the same thing you told me. You need to get an office. But, you told me something that really flipped the switched for me again, which was go find yourself an executive suite and you don’t have to commit to it. You can only do it for a month or two. You can get a month or two lease and just try it out.
Tina: Try it out.
Allen: I mean I don’t know if you knew that they don’t do the month to month leases, but they don’t do month to month leases on offices so I had to go out. When I got started with that process, when I started to looking at different offices, I got really jazzed about it.
Tina: Yes.
Allen: The shortest term was six months, I still went ahead with it and I still went and did it. Since then it’s been incredible. You know I mean we have a staff now. We have new products coming out. We have new services.
Tina: Awesome.
Allen: Our reach has grown dramatically. I mean we have over a 1,000 people that listen to this podcast every time we put it out.
Tina: Congratulations.
Allen: It’s amazing you know.
Tina: Well what I know is that wherever we find comfort, this is one of those formulas, so I’ll let you know behind the coaches mind what I did, so where we find comfort we will always find stuck. If we’re growing we need to move to the green growing edges of our lives and reach for uncomfortableness and become familiar with it and intrigued with it and curious with it and arms wide open what’s next. What’s gonna be fun. We look at it as adventure as opposed to its something that’s gonna do us in. It’s gonna create us. That’s what I was doing. I was pushing you out of your nest so you can go find fun and provability and wonder because I know you’re a play personality. For those people who don’t know their personality types, I map those things too. Play personalities have to be out in the world doing fun things. Not at home in their pajamas, even if they’re funky cool pajamas.
Allen: Well once in a while I can still stay home.
Tina: Right.
Allen: All right, so Tina I appreciate this. This was wonderful. I know we’re gonna get a lot out of it. Again, anybody if you need help tinamarie.com
Tina: I’m gonna give you a ca-ching button. So ca-ching button here we go. Go make some money. Make some happiness in the world.
Allen: Cool, thank you so much Tina.
Tina: Bye-bye everybody. Take care.
Allen: Bye-bye.
Tina: Bye-bye.
References
Tina Marie’s website: www.TinaMarie.com
Podcast: UnleashYourExtraordinary.com
Abolish! – Friday March 23rd
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